mysterious night 

Scared-Virginity-Parents-Culture-Rebel

I am scared to death,
I live in a society that overrated virginity.
With the possibility of being ostracised from the society,
and the probability of not being able to marry a man from my society,
I wrote to the world through this blog,
that i have lost my virginity.

The weather is suddenly freaking cold,
as the fear is crawling through my skin.
and my hand trembles as I type.

I lost my virginity in a very early stage of life.
Raped and abandoned, for over than decades i try to conceal this fact.

As education and life experience taught me,
to become wiser and mature,
I accept the fact,
and try to deal with it,
and I told the closest person to me this fact.

There were different reactions,
but at least I know I'm not alone,
that there are people who values my personality more than my virginity.

People who believes purity does not come from the fact whether or not you have sex,
but from your soul within.

To my surprise,
the person of my own flesh and blood,
my parents,
my dearly beloved parents,
could not handle the truth.

A surgery is prepared,
for me to deal with the future,
they acclaimed,
for I could not change the past, they say
but future could still be changed.

My own flesh and blood,
who must have loved me unconditionally,
is the one who can't value me over the virginity doctrine.

I tried so hard to convince them,
but at the same time,
I don't want to hurt them,
If even I myself have dealt with it,
why can't they too?

God give me strength,
to stand on, in a loving way, against them,
from pushing me to do what they think is right,
in the way they best know how,
for they don't even know who their child is.

And I will survive.
Facing the culture,
and the event that has made me a rebel to the culture and my very own parents
although i love my culture and parents
with a very dear loving heart.

if a rebel is what they perceive me for defending my faith and belief,
then be it.
come what may...

beyond expectation

and this is intended-to be the media of expression-of my personal life.
and this title is chosen-for i am a true pessimist-and dare not to expect anything.
not from other people- circumstances-or even myself.
and that is why-in my personal life-events beyond my expectation has occurs.
and enjoy!-for this is intended for a public consumption.
see how a pessimist led his/her life.
how far would a pessimistic person go?
for all my life i've read how only optimistic people has always won compared to a pessimistic one.
and you shall be the witness-
of a life of a pessimistic-
which goes far beyond his/her expectation.