Song of the Week

Turn down the lights,
Turn down the bed,
Turn down this voices,
Inside my head.

Lay down with me,
Tell me no lies,
Just hold me close,
Don't patronize,
Don't patronize me.

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't,
You can't make your heart feel something it won't

Here in the dark
In this final hours
I will lay down my heart,
And I feel the power
But you won't,
No you won't
Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

I close my eyes,
Then i won't see,
The love you don't feel,
When you're holding me.

Morning will come,
And i'll do it alright,
Just give me till then,
To give up this fight,
And I will give up this fight,
Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't.

Sometimes, saying "I love you" has nothing to do with meaning it.

Restless

...Patiently waiting for the words you never said
Tried to laugh but cried instead...
Making use of all this time, keeping all this things inside
I'm not giving up, i'm making your love,
This city makes us crazy

I guess that is it.
The answer to three months of attending classes, reading tons of materials, taking notes, diligently waiting, structuring patterns in mind, drinking numbers of saccharine and caffeine, and unlimited worries.

That's it?
Does it end in here? No, don't give up. There are still chances. Make use all this time. Give spare for God. You did your share, now its His time. The point of ressurection. There is only so much to go through after this.

You are a fighter, dont give up. Dont rest. Dont take leisure time. Not yet. Not right now. Dont let regrets happens in the future for not giving your best shot right now. Another week. That's it. After that, you're free to do anything that you want.

Isn't this what you want? Isn't this what you yearn? The endless work and challenges? Isn't that what makes you feel alive? Dont get torn apart now. Not now. Not yet. This is not the end of the road. This is the beginning.

I know how bored you are. I know how it feels to re-read the same materials for the 4th times. But look at how much you have learned. Don't be pragmatic. This will be useful in the future, no matter what road you choose. You dont know what it means now. And no, i am not trying to fool you.

Take a break, but dont take too long of a time. You still have another 7 days. You still have another 84 hours. That is not quite long compared to 3 months. Bear with it. Look at how interesting it is. Look at the opportunity to be engaged in all the conversations that you attended but were not involved. Look at the new interest and friends you will have. Look at the horizons.

Look at the future. Look at how you will be able to apply it in your work. Remember your first work as an attorney? When you don't know what you were doing? Look at how much you have changed. Look at how many of your times are not wasted in here. Look at how fulfilling this materials are to your craving.

Isn't this the answer? Don't you see how suddenly all the movies makes sense? All those movies that you dreamt to be doing?

Ok..I'll try to do it.

Cinderella Syndrome

As much as i hate to say this,
But i think i have the cinderella syndrome.

Just like every kid who grows up consuming disney's fairy tales,
i believed that there will be a prince,
saving me from my screwed up life,
the knight of shining armor.

I consumed the cinderella, snow white and sleeping beauty fairy tales.
There is no fairy tale that portrays a working girl, trying to fight this life,
having mouths to feed and going on with her life.
I think that the ultimate hapiness is to be with the prince,
and my happiness is his happiness.

Even daisy duck and minnie mouse didn't play any significant role but to be the spouse of donald duck and mickey mouse.
And so, what role did i grew up to achieve?
house wife, a spouse.

And what happens when i found my prince?
the fairy tales didn't say anything about their life besides the happily ever after ending.
they didn't say what happens when the prince cheats,
or when cinderella becomes fat during pregnancy and being hated by the in-laws.
or when they have naughty kids.
What?
What does happily ever after means?
Living in a castle with a prince loving you forever.

Sadly enough,
Even an educated grown up like me still dreams of achieving the fairy tale life.
Just when I should have the ability and capability to differentiate between fairy tale and real life.
Sigh..
I still live in this dillusion.

And believe it or not,
Hollywood still produce this same fairy tale,
And so many women still consume it.
That would mean that I am not alone.
Look at the viewer of Joe Millionaire, the Ugly duckling, and all Hollywood dramas.
Women are trying to be princess.
And to win the heart of their knight of shining armor.

How do i get rid of this syndrome?