Hello

Hello. welcome to my life. I would love to introduce myself to you. But I'd rather not. I am afraid that you would fall into my trap of deception, so I think it would be better if you just find out about me through your own perception.

I'm just an ordinary girl. Some may say that I am mediocre, which is true. I am born with a certain type of bone and ligaments, with the same heart, liver and a set of kidneys just like every other human being. No exceptional beauty is bestowed upon me, the one that fairy princess would have, fair skin, pointy nose, big breast, long silky hair, no don't expect any of that from me. The only praise that I would receive is for my tendency to smile, but that is not a physical trait so that wouldn't count.

There really is nothing much about me.
If there is something weird about me...I always have this feeling that I would die young. Somewhere in or before my early 30's. So, if i'm gone by that time, keep me in your heart and memories.

Let's be Friends

Let's be friends. A simple word that would always make me happy. After all, I love my friends, and I love having new friends, hanging out with friends, and sharing all the happy times together. But for once in my life, these words hurts more than ever.

Once, there was a guy that I loved so much that it would hurts. But I wouldn't give up, no matter how many times he hurts me, I would keep on loving him. So when he said let's be friends, with my utter stupidity and naivete, I was thrilled to the bone. One way ahead to become lovers. After all, shouldn't lovers be able to be friends? Shouldn't love grew out of friendship?

Well, apparently in a not so naive world, that means:
- I am not interested in you
- I don't want to be in a relationship with you
- but, if we can still have sex- we'll have sex- as long as no relationship will ever be between us

Imagine my surprise to know that I was never invited to things that he would do with his friends. I was kept wondering...why would he ask me to be his friend, but never ask me to go out and do the friendly gathering with him and his friends?

Let's be friends,... sweet, deceptive and hurts so much more than saying things that I would normally say to people who are interested in me but whom I am not interested to. I would have to say that I am almost incapacitated in expressing words that falls within emotional range. With a different subset of culture, it becomes quite hard. I simply couldn't read between the lines. However, knowing the hurt and pain inflicted by these words..I made a promise to myself to never use those words.

I will be back for Good

I can't wait to be back in Indonesia. I can't wait to smell the polluted air, the hectic traffic, the filthy beggars, the fully air conditioned buildings, and above all that... my friends. I found out that the most invaluable thing in my life is my friends.

Long gone were my American dreams. The clash of culture made me realized that I am truly an Indonesian from within. 2 years I survived without any Indonesian friends at all, but my life has never been happier then the past 5 months when I hang out with my fellow Indonesians.

Some may laugh and think of how dependent I am. Just some words from me, the higher you get, the lonelier it became. If I had to do it all over again, I don't know if I would ever choose Harvard again. Honestly, I would say that I don't have any friend from Harvard. Maybe one person- tops.

Cambridge , is set only for short term thing. Everyone just can't wait to get out of their school or job that are in Cambridge. This place is only a pit stop, where you would go on with the race and try to get to the finish line as soon as possible. But then again, these are all lessons that I have learned. I thank Cambridge for this experience, but I don't want to be in this place any longer than I am supposed to be. Sometimes enough is enough. At this point, I would think twice for any offer to prolong my stay in US. I guess the honeymoon stage is over. Things are not always what it seems to be.