when you're happy...

people come after you.it is as if they want to be infected with that sort of happiness from you. and there comes mike, and derek, and jason, and so many others. they were enchanted by smile and carefree way of living. so what after this? what if the days get gloomy and dark? what if i stopped being happy? will they still be there? which is the reason why i shall only stand for a true and tested person. the one who has seen me through thick and thin and decided to stay. the one who still stand beside me despite of all my tumultuous drama. the one who becomes my rock. the one who lets me do my mistake and wipe my tears. the one that i haven't found yet. for everyone leaves. no one puts up with me. until that day comes, which i don't think will ever come, i am lookimg inside. looking outwards never satisfies me anyway. so why bother? and what i found out is amazing. that once inside, all my needs are fulfilled. there is no boundaries for what myself could fulfill. who needs a lover, when the greatest love is from yourself?

on spirituality

i never knew that i know so much about spirituality, until Annie told me that i basically have tried everything. I have tried the dervish dances, visited the first flight of refugee to roman empire in cappadocia, tried buddhism and its' belief in shamsara, tried yoga in ashram's, have done pilgrimage in all the middle east countries, visited all the shinto's monks, read about all the hindu god's, tried meditation, went to rome and it's famous sistine chapel, went to the land of sodom and gomorah and where the david star is. i basically have tried everything...in terms of spirituality...but i prefer not to talk about it. it's just not something that i would like to share about. sorry guys, reserved for close people only.

when the path leads you

and so, when the control is being taken over from you, you surrender to the other power. and where ever it may leads you. just like tonight, i almost burst into tears to the face of beauty. a divine and peaceful beauty, in every movement and in every breath.

i have been looking for happiness externally, and yet to find that everything that i am looking for could be found inside of me. the moment i rely on something or someone else to make me happy, the biggest doom and failure is about to come. because happiness comes from the inside.

i guard my emotions, feelings and body, and shall only share it with he who earns the trust.

vonis

my vonis will come soon. it is just a matter of time, before i am leaving. it might be in one month, or in another five months. so i shouldn't dwell on the past. i shouldn't be in the same obsessive mind of blaming myself over and over and over again. i make mistakes, but do does everyone. if there is a price that i should pay, then i will pay it.

i am scared. so scared. sometimes i wish i could be kept in the dark. because somehow, although fear exist, at least i still have hope. but i can not live another denial. and today my chest feels so light. because i have accepted the truth. the worse has happened. that is the truth. i am not living in denial anymore. and there is no better feeling. my chest is about to burst in happiness, and it feels so wide. it's thrilling, and yet peaceful.

it takes so long for me to let go. and i didn't even realize all of this hatred, self pitying and bitterness, and it finally consumed the whole part of me. and when i found the root, and unplug the whole existence. the feeling of freedom makes me so happy that i burst into tears, literally.

when i lost everything, i found myself.
and nothing could compare to that.

if my body could speak

if my body could speak,
which it apparently can,
and i heard them for the first time, today.

they asked me,
why can't you love us?
why do you keep on rejecting us?
are we not good enough for you?
it is upon you the control reign,
you can mold us whatever way you want...
you are the one who never makes the effort,
so why is it us that you hate?

is it not us that is closest to you?
is it not us that have helped you through out your life?
how have we failed you?
why do you hate us so much?

why don't you take care of us?
have we ever dissapoint you?
why do you always torture us?
have we ever failed you?

and just like that,
the acceptance comes to me.

of everyone else,
i am my biggest and worst enemy.
forgive me,
forgive me,
my heart, oh my body and my soul,
from now on, i will treat you the way i treated every one else.

the most romantic friendship

is when you know you can rely in each other,
is when all you have to do is look to the other's eyes, and understand everything.
is when your dying day comes, it is he that comes upon you.

and the quintessence example to me is that of Jefferson and Adams
on 4th of July,
Jefferson was dying and said, Adams will still be there
and on that very same day,
Adams passed away with the thought that Jefferson will still be there.

If death comes naturally upon me,
and if miracle is bound to happen,
i want my life to be taken away together with lfh3j
for then we will be together eternally.

so it dawn upon me

that i am goddamn happy.
that this is the time of my life.
i am free to do anything that i want.

after a lot of toss and turning,
after all the trial and error,
i realized that i love law.

i love the rationality of law,
i love the rationality of law,
i love the flow of argument in law,
and i love all the details entailed in law.

i love having to be meticulous,
i love not being able to sleep just to read thousands of articles,
i love reading all the decisions, compisitions, and the language of art.

i fucking love law.
i want to be overworked.
i want to be able to change the policy.
i love travelling all over the world,
i want to be in law.

that i love all the argument,
i love scrutinizing all the words in a pleading..
and i love all the certainty in black letter law.

and there is no way i am going to let someone else take that happiness away from me!!!!
NOT EVEN YOU, SCOTT!!!

man's style

man's element of style that could make me melt:

1. bally shoes
2. gucci loafers
3. levi's jeans
4. acqua di gio eau de toilette
5. diesel jeans
6. clinique happy eau de toilette
7. breitling watch
8. paul smith perfume
9. IWC watch
10. armani suit
11. hugo boss shirt
12. allure by chanel perfume
13. bally suitcase
14. docker's pants
15. calvin klein underwear
16.dive moisturizer liquid soap
17. aramis aftershave
18. johnston & murphy loafers
19. nike sneakers
20. comme des garcons shirt

killer:
1. baggy pants
2. dirty hand nails
3. smelly feet
4. beard that is more than 5 o'clock shadow
5. wife beaters
6. speedo
7. long hair
8. burberry's anything....name it shirt, pants, umbrella, or anything
9. cell phone in your belt
10. basic pants
11. skinny pants
12. gold chains
13. body odor
14. greasy hair
15. gold rolex watch
16. jade accessories
17. musky perfume

My own Dewey system

Anggi: it means they have met my family, or from my hometown
Haghia: university friends, or from law firm
Gigi: childhood friends, or master friends
Sophia: people that is related to resume for job
Nawawi: master' academic related
Lubis: kin

events with names

what's your name?
haghia sophia
ohh..isn't that the name of the church in turkey
yes...thank you for knowing that
orthodox church right?
yeah..
so are you a christian?
no, i'm a moslem
?!?!

(chinese looking guy)
Your Honor, let me present my case. My name is Mr. Kuppussamy, representing the applicant
(indian judge)
Kuppussamy?
(indian judge is puzzled)
Yes, your Honor
?!?!

we would like to interview you Mr. Parickshit
why thank you sir
how should i call you?
you can call me Mr. Shit
?!?!

What's your friend's name again?
Marfusita
what did you call her?
Fusi..as in pussy
?!?!

You have a very beautiful name, Anastasia..
Thank you
Was it taken from the German fairy tale?
No, my parents were into drugs, so its from Anaesthesia..
?!?!?!

All events are real, and author have met with the named person.

the power of being impulsive

you only live once. and in life there are so many choices that you make. that is the gift of free will. to choose for your very own destiny. on the other hand, time passes by. and time could not be turned around. you could not go and undo your past. you cannot tell what happens in the future. you only have the present moment. borrowing eckhart tolle's word, you only have now.

what if there are moments when you should take decision quickly? one time, and this is a true story, when alexander graham bell found telephone and patented it, a very same person in United Kingdom, also found out about telephone. However, unlike Bell, who patented his finding, this other guy goes shopping, and went to the patent office after shopping. There it goes, the patent of telephone, because of shopping.

Another example is when Napoleon decided to wait to attack a famous continent. He thinks he should wait until morning comes. Little did he know, that enemy was attacking him at the night time. There it goes, the territory and victory, over waiting.

I tend to take decision in the spur of the moment. I do what i want to do, exactly when i want to do it. I say whatever it is in my head. All of this is instilled by fear. The fear of being napoleon or the shopping guy (not that being them is bad, it's already awesome). but i guess i am just afraid of failure. i am scared of regrets.

But the consequences of my impulsiveness is harsh. I invited so may problems. Come to think about it, it is very childish for nothing thinking of the consequences of your action. From now on, i am making the commandment to not be impulsive. To think through things. And i shall control my impulsiveness by these means:
- having self control:

1. no smoking
2. no drinking
3. no over medicating

these are basically things that would drive me to act impulsively. fights that i had, because i'm drunk, fire that i almost cause because i smoke, tendency to kill myself, because i over medicated.

- having self discipline

1. wake up at regular time
2. not missing any class or appointment
3. read joel's book everyday
4. work out regularly
5. pray regularly
6. not to over indulge myself

then again, this is the concept. i will try, but smoking and drinking is the hardest part. at least now i know the drive of my impulsiveness. how to tame the unleashed dragon, is yet another challenge.

I MISS YOU, DEBBIEE!!!

if i can scream out loud from my lungs, so you would hear me in Indiana, it would be i love you and i miss you!!
i'm sorry that i hurt your son again, i hope you will not dislike me, but i didn't do it intentionally.


of all love,
your love is the sweetest one that i can savor,
no complications, no drama, no pain,
in you, i feel complete and understood.

thank you for giving me the gift of unconditional love.

adventures!!!

korean martial art called dahn mu do, a lot of concentration on the lower part of the body (i have the same sensation as doing the carmen electra striptease exercise), how could martial art and striptease have the same concept?

art class with live model, very pretty, and a very nice body. i finished my drawings faster than anyone else, and my pictures are worse than everyone else.

yoga, still a lot of vibration from lack of exercise. they say i am too tense, and i hold back all my emotions. so i will learn to let go.

as of my relationship live, pretty dull. one disastrous date (because i was having some internal affairs) and off again he goes. who knows when he will be back. maybe next year. this is such a bad idea, i thought he would back off if i said i only go out/have sex with boyfriend- i never imagine one could agree with such condition. i only met him once. stuuuupiiiiid. now i have to be faithful to an unknown creature. ah..might as well, this will be a great shield to prevent commitment.

there was a really cute guy at the martial art course, but taken people should not flirt. but what if my so called boyfriend never come back or send any news? i met him twice now..i can't call his friends..that would just be too weird. i guess i am obliged to be faithful..no? not that i have any problem with it..but a little certainty is good, don't you think so?

diagnosis part 3

I am altruistic. I like to help people. I like to think that i am a martyr.

I am conventional. I am sub servient to my parents, my country, and to men.

I am a homebody. There is nothing better than staying at home, watching tv or dvd and eat chocolate or icecream.

I am feminine. I like long hairs, soft fabrics, cooking, doing dishes and laundry, and kids.

I am objective. I tend not to get emotions in the way. if it's true, then it's true.

I am impulsive. Usually when i'm intoxicated. Often to the way that i really risk myself.

I am ambitious. If i really want something. I will work 24/7 like a dog, if i think it's beneficial for my career.

I am manipulative. I like to watch people. People are like objects, that i learn, i study, and make diagnosis. I know how to move people. At least i think so, although a lot of times, i am the one being used. This is one trait that i am trying to earse.

I am sexual. I know how to use my body, how to engage in a conversation, and when to pay attention.

I am beautiful. I am born with the perfect ligaments, limbs and bones. My skin glows, and my eyebrows are perfectly arched. I am not obese, and by beauty standard people categorize me as above average.

I am knowledgeable. Notice that i didn't use the word intellectual. IQ is born with you. It has a lot to do with the way you think. since my way of thinking are illogical a lot of times, i shall say that i am knowledgeable. knowledge comes from learning.

diagnosis part 2

i am intovert. i may share my love affair, the events of my life, and every intimate details accompanying such events. but i would rarely share my thoughts and opinion. i reserve it only for myself.

i am pragmatic. yet a lot of people think i'm philosophical. i am romantic. i am idealist. the only value that i can differentiate is equality and fairness. beyond that, since everything is within the grey area, i cannot tell or see.

i am full of vengeance. i do not forgive and forget. i may forgive, but i don't forget.

i am an extremist. i am passive-aggresive. it's either my way or the high way. thank God i don't have a lot of "my ways".

i am a bad friend. i never remember birthdays. i don't reply to text messages and e-mail. i don't like long distance relationship, including long distance friendship. out of sight, out of mind. i'm a verbal person.

hurt my heart, it will mend. hurt my body, the pain will heal. hurt my opinion and pride, things will never be the same. i guess it's safe to say, I am still learning to take criticsm. My blood boils everytime i'm being criticized.

diagnosis part 1

i fear intimacy. i never let anyone enter my life. everyone that i permitted to enter my life ends up hurting me, so i might as well keep them in the distance. i feel in control when people are dependent on me. my heart is filled with tower high walls, to protect me. i am scared. i carry all the hurt from my past. i never really dealt with my past. i live in the past. i stopped having emotions along time ago, because i can't deal with all the sorrow and pain. i stopped listening to my heart. i have low self esteem. i value physical attributes and wealth, because i thought that way i can fit in. i am overly sensitive, and i hide it by showing that i have no feelings at all. i think that i don't deserve to be loved. i rejected anyone who loves me. i hate it when people compliment me. i think people always wants something from me. i never let people in to my life. i carry all my baggage alone. and yet, i want to be loved. therefore, everyday is a conflict for me.

betrayal

1. to love somebody dearly, and to find that you are dumped for another girl....is a betrayal
2. to tell your bestfriend a secret, a secret that if known to other people will prove that you have lied to everyone and found that she has told every other person....is a betrayal
3. to report your friend that just ordered ecstasy from you because you are a dealer, but later turned her in when you get busted....is a betrayal
4. to left your best friend that is drunk at the apartment of the guy which she doesn't like and has been chasing her all night...is a betrayal
5. to read your friend's diary and read it outloud in front of the whole class....is a betrayal
6. to tell your best friend's parent that she actually goes out with opposite sex which resulted to her being beaten by her parents until she can barely walk....is a betrayal
7. to talk, laugh and stop talking to your friend without her ever knowing why....is a betrayal
8. to openly say that your friend is weird and have lousy sense of fashion and laugh at her in front of everyone else, and see her laugh together with you....is a betrayal
9. to have a sleep over and have an amazing night together, then leave your friend without saying goodbye or waking her up although you are going to a class that both of you take....is a betrayal
10. to tell your friend about a scholarship and ask him to apply together with you, only to find out that he would apply secretly and left you, although you were the one who told him about the scholarship....is a betrayal
11. to speak with your friend only when you need to borrow her notes....is a betrayal
12. to come to a table which i sat in, then invite all your friends, and ignoring me and not even talk to me, although we are classmates....is a betrayal

which is why upon all other things in this world, i hate betrayal. i never knew all of the above mentioned actions are betrayal. to have someone call me a betrayer, is something that i could not handle. every pain that i have felt come upon me in endless dream. i cannot believe that i have turned into something that i have hated all my life. now i know that the Golden Rule absolutely don't apply to me. Because I let people walk all over me.


what i know now, is that my freedom of expression is now limited to a journal. that betrayal take many forms instead of caesar and brutus scene. that just because you know something, doesn't mean that you have to share everything. that two wrongs can't make one right. that media is too powerful of a forum. that i would never really have anonimity. that people have opinions about you, and if you try to listen to all their opinion, you will be miserable. that other people don't think and react the way you do. that i have a very high standard of tolerance and patience, that i thought everyone else have the same standard. that not everyone accept the treatment that i have received. that there is so much that i have to learn in socializing with others. that my past is so fucked up that i can't be normal if i react and socialize based on my past.

i accept the fact that i am weird. i accept the fact that i am different. i accept that i think and react differently from other people. so help me God, from not giving up. I owe this, at least for other people, if not for myself.

Fragments of Dialogue

Sept.10, 2006

( A is reading her book, laying down in her room, enjoying the wind and ray of fading sunlight in her room.)
beep...beep...beep...
( A looked at her phone and saw who was calling)
C:"Hello beautiful girl"
A:"Well hello there, you stranger..."
C: "Busy tonite?"
A: "What is this..a booty call?"
C: "Not really, just looking for a companion to entertain with my home made supper"
A: "Ay, romantico...I sometimes forget that you're a Pisces"
C: "I think this has got more to do with me wanting to spoil you"
A: "Hahaha, spoiling me..nice concept. So when did you get back in town? I know you'd only call me when you're back."
C: "Yesterday"
A: "Thought so..."
C: "You know what I miss so much about you..your cynical comments...just typical of a lawyer"
A: "Tell you what..I am really kinda tired. So I don't know about supper. Your place is quite far away from mine"
C: " My offer comes with the ride..remember that car that you love?"
A: " What you drive really doesn't matter to me"
C: "I wouldn't take no as an answer."
A: "Pushy..eh? What happened? Your other booty call cancelled?"
C: "There's no other booty call."
A: "Oh by the way..since this is not a booty call..don't expect any happy ending, k? I have new commandment..Thou shall only have intercourse with thy boyfriend"
C: "Fine..you know that is not what I'm looking from you"
A: "I know..what you're looking in me is my satirical sense of humour, my mocking conversation, my crazy dancing, and my fine art."
C: " And..thou shall not forget..it all comes in an amazing body, silky hair, and the most admirable olive skin"
A: "Flattery sure takes you everywhere"
C: "Well I can be your boyfriend"
A: "Sure, only when you are here, that's the way you like it, don't you?"
C: "I wish I could be here all the time"
A: "After Greece and Germany, where is the job going to take you?"
C: "Let's talk about this over dinner"
A: "OK...but, I have another rule, I only sleep with my boyfriend after the 10th date"
C: "Whoa..."
A: "And considering that this is our second date within the past 5 months, I don't think you're getting a very good of a deal"
C: "Fine with me.I like spending time with you above all else."

(And just like that, A got a boyfriend, probably only for a day, until their next meeting)

skype

hey people,
where were you two years ago?
I was using skype two years ago..
and now that i am finished with that,
everyone is into skype..

great...
just when i forgot all my accounts and number.

help

they say, the greatest joy in life is in helping others. i just want to extend the happiness and love that i felt by helping others. which is the reason why i am volunteering to be big sister and to mentor children. nothing makes me happier than to see the innocence and laughter of a kid. if i can help and make a child's life better, nothing else in this world matter.


from the countryside of indiana, i learned happiness. from a phsyciatric ward, i learn to take care of myself. and now...now i am happy. i am happy to help my professor by being her assistant, i am happy that i can help educate children, i am happy that i can communicate with other people through massage, i am happy to dance the joy of life, and i am happy with my health and body, i am happy with meeting new people and having impact in their life, and i am happy with my music and readings. i am filled with joy, my mind is looking for food and my soul is moving around with glory.

charles river

by charles river, i sat down and saw my reflection on the water. and i watched the sun, going down. the air felt chilly. i tried to stop thinking. and here i am. oh how small i am. and the water was never still. just as my life is. i took a stone and threw it. more movement, until finally the water calms down and the stone is in the bottom of the river. just like me, getting panicked with events coming into my life. and yet, just like the water, my life will never stop. i am flowing to the ocean. where the stream is bigger, but then after a big wave, the water are much more still. until the day i evaporates and become one with the clouds. that is the day when i found love. and i have found that love. the love to myself. soon, i will became rain, pouring down. i will pour my love to them whom i love.

to those people, i dedicate this. you know who you are. you know me well enough, to know that i have problem listing down your names here.

art and historical experience

my visit to fogg, semitic, and ah museum was really enchanting. I seem to be dreaming my life away in all the beauty captured by the most wonderful artist of the century. from the danish and flemmish painter, to italian sculptures, until modern art.

i am a big fan of renaissance art, where everything is glamorous, big, and filled of gold. perhaps this is influenced by my background, influenced by the dictatorship in my country-similar to that of Louis XIV until Louis XVI's era. all of them seem to capture the essence of dictatorship, just look at all the art products, dominated by self portrait. and if it's not self portrait, to get rid of the guilt and shame, they think they will have salvation by having a picture of cupid or jesus. my favourite one, is the coronation of napoleon. a wannabe king coronating his ownself. hey, the right is hereditary. you're either a king or you're not.

the house of david and yahweh reminds me of jerusalem. the beauty of the pillars and sacrifices that they give. not to mention the adoration of wine. it is just amazing how these history could intersect with my daily life.

another favourite of mine is jackson pollock and henry matisse. theirs are colorful and soulful. filled with a character. unique, shall one say. i can always tell pollock's and matisse's.

and in front of degas and monet that i sat for the whole hour. i simply cried. not a howling cry, just tears rolling down to my eyes. i feel the moment they captured. and it feels..beautiful..yet, lonely. i simply feel the momentarily bliss offered by the painting. it is as if i have been sucked and was in the place being drawn, no other feeling would i feel, except what i felt when i saw the painting.

september

as the moon goes to Virgo,
new adventures i experience day by day.

so i woke up early in the morning,
and run in the darkness of the town,
inhaling whatever i need to get through the day,
and exhaling whatever that is bothering me.

after a daily dose of Prozac,
i took my shower
and went to my massage class,
far, far away in Watertown (ok it's not too far).

and so there i was,
memorizing all the name of the muscles,
folding and unfolding sheets and towels,
remembering each spine and ribs to touch,
and pressure point.

and then i begin the massage.
each human's body has it's own legend,
their body part is telling their experience,
knots, strains, clots,
I just have to listen carefully,
in the silence,
what the body is trying to say.

and there,
i share a story,
with whatever i touch.
it took a lot of trust and courage for a person to be able to be massaged by me.
and the moment they give their body,
i hold a story of their life.

after all,
this is only a means of communication.

p.s. (did i told you the whole course took 8 hours?)

25

i will be 25 years old next year, quarter life crisis being launched. five years ago, i would never have thought that i would be precisely where i am right now. mysterious where time in your life brings you. yet i feel as if i am 46 years old. i feel that there is nothing that life hasn't thrown at me yet. and so here i am, still looking the same, i still smile all the time the way that i have always smiled since i was a kid, i still carry the same sorrow and sadness in my eyes- what people say as a look that a deer has when they were hit by a truck, i still have the same frown whenever people teases me, i still move my hands wildly whenever i am in an argument, the jokes that i tell are still not funny, the stare that i gave are still intense and often scare people away.

what has changed about me? let's see... i am much more closer to God spiritually although not ritually, i value my family more than ever, i became much more tolerant, i do not fear maturity and death as much, i learned that the most valuable thing are friends, i know that the greatest love is the love to thy self, i appreciate solitude greater, i am not as short tempered as i was, i can actually say emotional thing like "i love you" and "i miss you".

other than that, i lost the virginity of my heart with my first love, i embrace my feminity, i am comfortable with my self, and am enjoying the present moment. if anyone asked me whether i would like to return back to my past, i will absolutely say no, and there is nothing that i would change about myself.

junk

stacks of letter, t-shirts and jackets, all belonged to someone in the past.
i smelled them for the last time, before i pack it up and send it back to where it belongs.
the lingering smell of an odor that i long to grasp.

two plastic penis, three porns, candles and strap on,
from someone from the past who still wants to be in the present but is no longer wanted.

oh how i long not to belong.

i wish these things doesn't remind me of him

i am trying to forget my dear friend,
and it has only been two days since i have stopped communicating with him,
but God was it hard,
i hope it will get easier along the way.

i wish that the fact that benjamin franklin wrote a book about farting, founded two of the pioneer public library in united states, and erected university of pennsylvania didn't reminded me of him.
i wish that i do not wished that he was beside me when i looked at all the maps from 15,16, 17, and 18 century that showed all the colony areas.
i wish it was not his name that came up when i hang out with my friend from business school whom apparently knew that he is serving this country (oh who art thou, catherine quay?)
oh most of all,
how i wish that he remembers me as much as i remember him.

sun tzu once says that a great soldier wins a fight without fighting. and here i am, i am not fighting my feelings or the fact that i remember him. i have stopped fighting. i am letting them flow, with the hope that it will wash over me.

and i know i'm going to get through this, just like daniel beddingfield's song that i keep on singing, along with the fact that he doesn't choose me to be the one to be beside him.

dismantling an i-pod

this is my time to explore my engineering side, being a student of engineering and science almost all of my life. with the help from tomasso toffoli, i am trying to repair my silver mini i-pod that was spilled with starbucks coffee, excuse me, did i say spilled? it was actually drained shall i say. so the only thing that we needed was precision screwdriver set, and of all the available size, the o.6 mm was the only one that could be used.

so the first thing that we did was to open up the glued i-pod. with a simple instruction on how to change i-pod battery from the internet. voila, there was the hardrive, glued together with coffee stain. just from the stain, we could conclude that i was drinking caramel macchiato. then the dismantling begins, where we separated the touch pad, the battery, and all other small parts. we discharged the battery, whereas i look at the bulb connecting the discharger, hoping that the battery will fall down from 0.10 microvolt to at least reach 0.02 microvolt.

then i soaked the whole part into a mini space, cleaned the whole part with mini brush, and re-rinsing them for six times. it takes the whole patience that i could muster up. as edith piaf sang her whole songs, the whole four discs of them, i was too tired to even look at the whole battery wire. then my job of cleaning the battery wire begins, because there was a short sircuit since the battery was being charged while it was wet, causing copper to show up.

well that was pretty much the dismantling process, and as always, everyday is a learning process, and every single day i learn something new.