i fear intimacy. i never let anyone enter my life. everyone that i permitted to enter my life ends up hurting me, so i might as well keep them in the distance. i feel in control when people are dependent on me. my heart is filled with tower high walls, to protect me. i am scared. i carry all the hurt from my past. i never really dealt with my past. i live in the past. i stopped having emotions along time ago, because i can't deal with all the sorrow and pain. i stopped listening to my heart. i have low self esteem. i value physical attributes and wealth, because i thought that way i can fit in. i am overly sensitive, and i hide it by showing that i have no feelings at all. i think that i don't deserve to be loved. i rejected anyone who loves me. i hate it when people compliment me. i think people always wants something from me. i never let people in to my life. i carry all my baggage alone. and yet, i want to be loved. therefore, everyday is a conflict for me.
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