Dear God, there are thousands of things that I would like to thank you.
Dear God,
I would like to thank you for numerous person that you have sent in my life, be it for a reason, a season or a lifetime. They say a person is sent for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. A person is sent for a reason if there is a need to be fulfilled, be it mentally, physically or emotionally, to help me through the time of difficulty. And when the reason is fulfilled, they are gone, for they are Godsend.
I have found those people that have been there for a reason, and I would like to thank them.
- Thank you for the joy of breathing and the life that You still let me live on.
- Thank you for unfortunate events since my early childhood, that made me stronger.
- Thank you for a family that loves me in a very unique way, that makes me tough and determined.
- Thank you for not letting me have all that I wished for, to show me what hardwork is.
- Thank you for a lot of traitor that I have befriended, for it makes me learn what true friendship means.
- Thank you for all the loving friends that you have sent in my life, for they have shown me self love and respect.
- Thank you for all the discrimination that I grew up with, because I learn the value of justice and equality.
- Thank you for the experience of broken heart, for it shows the pain that I have caused to other people's heart.
- Thank you for all the spiritual journey that I have experienced, for I have found that only with You, and You alone that I feel home.
- Thank you for Your trust and gift, that I am in here, for I learn how small I am in Your Kingdom.
Dear God,
I would like to thank you for numerous person that you have sent in my life, be it for a reason, a season or a lifetime. They say a person is sent for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. A person is sent for a reason if there is a need to be fulfilled, be it mentally, physically or emotionally, to help me through the time of difficulty. And when the reason is fulfilled, they are gone, for they are Godsend.
I have found those people that have been there for a reason, and I would like to thank them.
- Ms. Lunanta. You are my first lesson of love, my first lesson of faith, my first lesson of loyalty, my first lesson in patience, my first lesson in tolerance, my first lesson of affection, my first lesson of respect, my first lesson of dream, my first lesson of sharing, my first lesson of help. You are, my dear Sister. You have faith in me, when others don't. You stayed with me, in my time of pain. You were there for the whole four seasons. I am very grateful for you as God's gift in my life.
- Mr. Hartley. Of all people, for the first time in my life, I believe in my self worth. You made me believe that I am beautiful. You showed what self respect means. You showed me how to be the subject and object of affection. You showed me the difference of love and lust. You are my first love.
- My non-biological mothers. They showed me the meaning of the word feminine. They showered me with uncoditional love. They saved my life...and my soul.
- Mr. Abadi.You bespeak my soul. You showed and showered me with the paternal affection that I have been seeking in lovers. You let me confide. You made me believe in gender equality. You made me realize the difference of paternal longing and the love that I thought I have found.
- The Chads. Both Chads are always there in the lonely nights. Both Chads are gentle and nice. Both Chads are there to comfort me. Both Chads have always restored my self confidence. Both Chads made me two times to stronger to get through whatever battle that I am in.
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The Church of the Holy Wisdom
‘Have I been sitting here for such a long time already?’ he asked himself…
The coffee cup was stuck on the table, and as soon as he ripped it from the surface and put the cup to his lips, he knew it had been standing there too long … For the coffee was cold as it hit his lips, while the morning rituals were continuing in the street…
Even though he was agnostic himself, he had already woken before the Morning Prayer, and as he gazed upon the street, he could see the sleeping dust awoken by the early footsteps of the new day…
‘Mehmet, another coffee habibi?’ Selva asked him from behind while interrupting his stare… She’d been his best friend so far, and ever since he arrived in Turkey she’d been his mental support.
‘Maybe one more, he replied, ‘but than I have to continue my day’; he told her as well as himself!
For today was an important day, and even though he had been there for 2 months already, this day was the sole purpose he was here… He remembered he had been in Istanbul before, when he was just a little boy, but despite the different height perspective the city still fascinated him just as much as it did from the perspective of a little boy…
Now that Mehmet was a man himself, he realised this memory had been the inspiration for him to study History and Art, and as his ambition was not easily constrained, he combined this with a PhD in Architecture… The reason he returned to this place, was that the American Byzantine Institute called upon him to handle a delicate project, delicate mentally as well as physically, for they had asked him to be in charge of the renovation of the Aya Sofia.
He took the offer immediately as soon as they offered him…
Ever since he first visited Aya Sofia during a summer vacation, the history of the building had fascinated him. He remembered when his father took him there to pray, and even though he got raised with a Muslim background, he didn’t like religion himself. His father was a dedicated Muslim though, and he remembered they had prayed the Friday prayer when Aya Sofia was still a mosque.
He remembered how that first contact had left a mark on him, for the first time he gazed upon the building; he was struck with awe… When walking towards the building, the exterior already fascinated upon first gaze, and would only act as an initial introduction to it’s beauty, the Orthodox genetics were still very much visible, and it was no secret this place was holy to several people…
As one walked towards the holy house, the building seemed to be an entity by itself, the dome appeared to be an immense skull, where within wisdom awaited… That first impression had been enforced as soon as he entered the building, for the sheer size of the building seemed to capture a universal perspective through a young boy’s eyes, and the art he encountered shaped his concept of beauty throughout the rest of his life… He remembered how he threw his head back to gaze upon the rays of lights that supported the immense dome above him, the dome itself resting on four majestic marble pillars, representing all four directions of the wind in his mind… It had made him feel so small!
Memories arose of his father, a well respected architect, telling bed time stories about the turbulent live/history of this building:
Build as one of the earliest wonders of the world, early in history the building was severely damaged, even destroyed through nature and men, but had resurfaced twice like a phoenix rose from it’s ashes… Every time arisen as something more beautiful, something more resistant to natural violence, and even though the building had changed identity, it had inspired men throughout the centuries… It surpassed religions and even though now it was destined to be a museum, the history was that of an orthodox place of holiness, and through time had served as a holy place for many generations and religions.
Knowing this history only increased it’s beauty…
Especially due to the childhood memories eventually it was harder on him to do this task than he would have expected… For how could he demolish the Islamic arts that had been plastered over the underlying icons, icons that once in time were revered as utter beauty, while others later in time considered them blasphemy. Time…
How could he be sure that by destroying beauty he would reveal beauty?
Selva saw the doubt in the lines on his forehead, she had heard his thoughts before, and she bended over his shoulder and said;
‘Now u listen to my words… for time changes things every time, and it is not upon you to judge the process of time… U might adore the art of Islam, but realise there is more than thy eye can see… For that is for u to uncover, u will have to decide whether your perspective of a specific piece of art is worth replacing for mere hope of a more beautiful piece underneath. U will have to grasp the future & past to see how time will evolve, how knowledge can be gained, or as it goes with knowledge, restored… Don’t bother yourself with ‘what if’ theories, for one cannot find the truth until one pursues it, before one peels away the thoughts that have conceived assumption. Do what your heart tells you and you will fulfil your purpose in life…’
She said it like it was the only logical thing to do…
And while she took the empty coffee cup, she gave him a smile that reassured his soul.
He realised he had been bothering himself with personal doubts & insinuations, and as soon as he realised, he arose and realised he had to perform this task, his task in life!
He gave her a kiss and a smile and went on his way …
As soon as he entered the building he felt a spiritual connection, and he immediately went towards the piece of Islamic art that had fascinated him most of all ever since he was a boy… After initial research he knew this part of the wall would have acted as the epilogue of icons, as it was the first sight one would encounter as one entered the building. Muslims had labelled this part of the building as the qibla, the main wall orientating on the direction of prayer.
He stood in front of that green wall, a Holy Verse from the Koran embedded on the plaster…
There he stood, remembering the wise words from Selva, but how hard it was to break that beauty, how hard it was to peel away that first part… But he realised, this building was dedicated to the One, ever since it had been conceived… that His name changed through the centuries was just a mere detail, for the power of Him cannot be placed in letters or depictions. For a name is a name, but He is love, and without love there would be no past or future, love is universal and not bound to time…
Damn how nice it is to be agnostic, he told himself!
And finally, he understood, that beneath all these layers of beauty, it was all encrusted upon brick… Brick, the most basic building block amongst materials, therefore, he realised, without simple things beauty cannot exist, without that what we perceive as normal , there cannot be anything special!
He tapped the plaster delicately to hear and feel any possible soft spots, and after doing this for an hour, he finally found a spot that would be suitable for the first incision… He took a small pallet knife and gently started removing the plaster, the upper skin of this entity…
As soon as the green crumbled away, he took his duster and uncovered what the dust of the plaster was still hiding… Small reflections of the light within the church reflected on that small wound in the wall, and the rays bounced back of the porphyry his eyes could now distinguish. He felt like Da Vinci discovering the anatomy of the human body, and after that initial cut, he could hardly control his patience. But he knew hurry was no option here, he worked dedicatedly for the next hours only to unveil some square centimetres. The ancient mosaic appeared piece by piece, and he came across many different colours, green and white marble, the purple porphyry radiant from the light, kept on glistering…
While the rays of lights within the museum decreased as the day was nearing its end, and just as his hope for the discovery of a new icon had elapsed, at the end of that first day, the glistering of gold was caught by his iris…
He knew by striking that gold, this would be it, this would be a depiction of the first conceptions of Him, the representative of love…
He knew it was there, but his imagination went wild with possibilities and personal insinuations, was this a depiction of the Virgin Mary, or would he uncover the Christ Pantocrator himself…?
But how could he know at this moment, and a smile started dominating him, internally and externally …
‘Let time show what I’ve uncovered’, he told himself, for the realisation struck him that today was merely the day of discovery, tomorrow would be the day of understanding…
And he smiled,
as he finally understood happiness is stronger than doubt….
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