in finding faith

i have spoken to people who gave me insight about myself, thoughtful, caring people, whose spirit uplifted mine. across the globe, in each continent, i found individuals, whose souls has suffered and survived. i found out that i had and have faith. none of which rooted from my own self. i had faith in my religion, but suffered from guilt and conviction. i had faith in what i was doing, only to find out that whatever it was that i have done, did not satisfy me. i had faith in my family, but such faith only creates pain. i had faith in my friends, but i simply suffer from one dissapointment to another. in this time of mourning and grief, someone told me he is jealous, for now i have opened a new chapter in my life. for now it means that i would leave my fucked up way of living. for now that i don't know what else to do, i lose whatever old faith and belief that i had, and found a new blank page to write. i am new. but that does not mean that i became different. the new thing about me, is only a chapter in my life. i shall begin this new chapter with a new faith. i am trying to have faith in myself. having faith that i can accept myself as i am. after all, the most important faith is to yourself. the rest will come. for now, i am happy with my new faith.