How do you know that you actually love someone? It seems like there is an idealization of the term "falling in love". An idealization that you must have butterflies in your stomach, the clingy effect because you always want to be with the other person. The image of "the one"- the one that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Some others have other idea of love- that love comes from a companionship- best friends becomes a lover type- the one where after so long of a companionship that when they are gone, you finally realized that you cannot live with the other person.
I think that is complete bullshit. Anyone who ever says they love someone else usually don't even know what love is. Including me. It was fuckin hard to say I love you..the first time- especially to the one that you actually love. These days i try to live with my words. The last time I said I love you and really meant it was when I was crying and looking for salvation in Indiana- and MS really got me out of that deep depressing hole.
MotherF@*!er- when I looked back, I deceived so many men by saying "I love you's" just to get whatever that I want- and I didn't say those magic three words to the one that I love most- so retarded. I found out the only time I said "I love you" to a man- is when there is a fake fuckin disillusioned love.
You think this writing is angry? Maybe it is. Or maybe I am just being honest.
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2 comments:
plastic fantastic eventually makes u spastic
Real Love
To ask yourself what fake love is is a pessimistic approach of asking yourself what real love is, usually derived from a disappointing love experience… If you listen to your heart you will know what real love is, and the fake version. Hope and reality are two different dimensions. Also to fall smackdown face first on the ground sometimes is a way to learn what love is, is love the thing u read in books, or is it the feeling that makes you feel most comfortable with someone (?!)… I still don’t know
According to my experience so far love has different faces, it has different masks, some are what u described in the blog so far, some are still meant to be discovered, but even though there are different forms, your heart will know when u are in love, maybe not immediately but time will tell… There is no instant love, no emotional package where u can add some water and there u go, instant love…. Love has to grow, just like knowledge, you have to read emotions carefully before u can comprehend the full story of love… Love includes hurt, happiness, joy, sadness, fear, sacrifice, (com)passion, drama, self reflection and lots of other ingredients. Cinta seperti makanan, itu nggak enak kalo cuma satu ingredient, kamu harus cari rasamu (OK, the bahasa probably sucks but hey)
Desire for loving or to be loved is tricky, everybody has a different desire, and this can be a dominating love, a soulmate/buddy, a student or teacher, opportunistic or any other different perspective, but u can never hurry or force it, be patient
But remember, love is the best thing in life, don’t neglect it, and its better to feel love for a day and be hurt than haven’t felt it at all, love is the best, and this is not specifically based on companionship love, love all & love yourself, and eventually u will find the one that is your other half
I love you, even though I tell myself you don’t mean anything to me anymore, but my heart knows… And I know its nothing negative, eventually it felt great I have to admit! I hope I will find/feel love again, but I am patient to find her (This is not meant to explain/achieve anything, except giving you a friends’ perspective)
Well, this is enough rambling
Marijn
**sponsored by Berberana Dragon Tempranillo 2004 red wine**
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