Not so White Christmas

Christmas in Indiana, just like last year. Not necessarily the same though. I thought Christmas in America will be different than a Christmas in a Moslem dominated country. I guess the breeze of globalization created similarity between one thing to another. No midnight mass, no candle lighting, no Santas hanging around, no christmas carols. But there are joys, there are love, there are sharing, there are laughter.

I was quite happy to see that everyone enjoyed their gifts. I have been accepting gifts as early as Mid December for this Christmas. Mostly from people that I would never have guessed to give me gifts. Their attentiveness and caring really made me cried. I guess I already cried too much, that I can't cry anymore during Christmas.

Coming to Indiana feels like coming back home. Where everything is comfy and simple. Where I feel loved and a place where i feel i belong to. A place where I am welcomed. Where I know someone, though everyone knows me as Gigi- Bobby's friend. The negative side of Indiana is of course, I am never simply Gigi- I am Gigi that will always be associated with Bobby. Now that is the hardest part. This is exactly why I hesitated coming to Indiana. It really is not a good idea to hang out with my ex-boyfriend during the most special day in the year- with people that he loves most. Not a very good idea- especially if you are trying so hard to get over your ex.

I am quite proud with the way I handle things though. I didn't fall all over him. I didn't go crazy and become an angry and bitter person. I didn't became a fake attention whore who is trying too hard to be loved. On the contrary, I am being myself. I said honestly that we are just friends. I didn't get angry when I found out that he also invited other girl to come to his house for christmas ( no, i'm not that special of a friend), didn't get mad that he spends his time with his laptop and text messaging all his friends, didn't get dissapointed when he told me that he wanted to visit his friends between christmas and new year. I am really proud with myself. The old Gigi will go crazy and go pouting and angry- or will try to smile and cut herself when she was alone.

On another note, this Christmas, the most special gift comes from MP. He picked me up from my therapy and we went out for dinner at a Brazilian restaurant. What amazes me most was the fact that he was wearing a pink stripes shirt- because i love guys who wears pink or stripes shirt- and he makes sure he reaches perfection by wearing a pink stripes shirt. At the restaurant, he pretended to go to the restroom, and came back with christmas gifts for me. And i didn't get anything for him...That was also our last date and I will not see him until next year. He gave me a large chocolate and perfume- two of my most favourite things...

Alana, Annie and Danielle gave me hotpacks and moxibustion tools..so I can practice my healing and yoga before I can be certified. Zsuzsi gave me a stone engraved with the word wisdom on it. Amy gave me a sexy urban outfitters t'shirt. What really touched me was the fact that all of them tried so hard to find a gift that I will love, a gift that pictures how they see me and what kind of things they thought i would like. Although gift is not embodiment of love, but their attention through their gifts showed me how much they actually listened and cared about me. How much they know me. And how much they love me...

I know how hard it is to find a gift for me. Especially at this point, where I don't need anything. So i understand the frustration. And for everyone who took the time, thought, and effort..thank you...