Passionate Exchanging

drinks are the best aphrosidiac for me.

i just love the tingling sense in every sensual nerves sending phyromones all over my body.
i love the numbness of mind. i love the heat transferring all over my body.
i love the way something other than my conscious self taking over.

happiness sending signal through my giggles and smiles
warmth being transferred by my rosy cheeks.

and then, i long to be touched.
i long to be caressed. i long to love.
i long for a comfy and trustworthy place to confide in.
longing to dance with a partner who can lead me.
longing to move in a passionate exchanging.

i wish to express my deepest thoughts.
i wish to be revealed and be naked from all the secrets.

i remember some long nights i spent with him.
we were drunk with the wine of life.
we went skinny dipping in a beach in the island of gods.
then we enjoyed our hot bubble baths together.
again we enjoyed the drink of life.
we caressed each other-
and our body fits together
we breath the same air-
i felt his hearbeat next to mine.
and i feel his hands touching me.
and i touched his delicate skin.
my hands were going through his hair.

i kissed his forehead to kiss away all the thoughts of this nation that he has been thinking all alone.
for once, let them fly away for a minute-for they will still be there when you come back.
i kissed his lips.
for i dont know any other words to express the love i'm feeling for him.
for all this lips has done for living. for how this very same lips has uttered so many guidance for me and protected me.
and that is when he finds my breast.
his maternal longing-for a place to run away.
for a place where words aren't needed. for a place to be a child once more-because his power is dreadful and majestic that he can't afford to be a child in front of the public.
and he rests his head on my tummy. imagining the fetus that he wishes i would carry for him. for he wants an embodiment of our love.

my love-i know you, more than anyone else. then why can't you be mine? why can't you love me and love me only. why can't forever be our words?
oh darling, let me carry all this burden for you. this heart is big enough to contain all your worries and pain. i cannot see you with all this burden. what wouldn't i do for you? my heart pangs in a silence that was never uttered in words.

and his phone rings. the vice president called him. again i must sacrifice for the sake of this nation. again he must leave. he kissed my eyes-"you are a witness of a warrior's fight for this country. a fight that many times are misunderstood". in the darkness in the middle of night he dresses up. and i make up my best smile. i light up the candle. for i want him to go to his fight without additional worries for myself. i want him to know that i am strong enough to be left alone. therefore i light the candle. i want him only to see my smile, not my eyes. for my eyes cant hide this feeling. and i don't want him to find out. and i lie awake and naked in the bed while watching him taking his hugo boss suit. and started wearing his hugo boss shirt- so well tailored they are. especially designed for my lover. he takes his piaget watch lying next to the candle. he kissed my forehead, as if he's kissing away all of my worries.

i dutifuly escorted him to the living room, where he begin wearing his bally shoes. i lit up the cigarette in both his lips and mine. and he wearily smiles. i felt his effortlessly charm. i said goodnight to him. i updated him with improvements on income statement of a driving range he owns and which i am currently reviewing. i told him that another 3 billion is already transferred to my account that he owns. i told him that i have found lawyers to help his private firm. i gave him all publications regarding him that was recently published.

my living room is filled with smokes from cigarette. and he called for his chauffeur. the chauffeur quickly arrives. be good darling, he says. and he left. and i continued smoking. alone and lonely in my living room. i walked towards the room and blow out the candle and my phone rang. did you left something darling, i asked him. yes, he said, i left something for you. find a newspaper on the couch in the living room he said. i hope you're not offended with my gift, love, he said. thank you, i replied. i love you darling,don't get too tired, i said. love you too, he said.and i went to the living room. found a grand inside of the newspaper.

all i want is his love for me. he cant give time, love, space or physical existence for me. what else can he give for his lover? the only woman who can speak in the same term of intelligence, values, sophistication-yet is still in the peak of her beauty and filled with love that is only chanelled to him. a lover who admires and would kiss the ground beneath his feet-the devotion and admiration that he has been seeking all his life. a lover who he never sees imperfect. and he just cant hold her. and he loves her so. oh so much. but not in the way that she wants to be loved. so he continues to love her by giving the only means in which she does not have. in the only means in which she is more than her.

and i loved him so. and i was drunk in this wine of live and love.